Sideshow: Jail for LiLo . . . they mean it!

DAVID PHILLIP / Associated Press, file
DAVID PHILLIP / Associated Press, file
Posted: November 03, 2011

"From what I see of you, you need a structure." So said Los Angeles County Judge Stephanie Sautner to pro delinquent Lindsay Lohan Wednesday after sentencing the Mean Girls star to 30 days in jail for violating probation in her necklace-theft case. LiLo must then complete her 53 remaining days working at the morgue and attend 18 therapy sessions. If she messes up, Sautner said, she'll be handed a 270-day sentence.

This time, LiLo, 25, has no way to avoid the cold, hard, brutal reality of jail. Said the judge, "You are not to get house arrest or early release." Aha! Then she added, "except for that required by the law." Funny phrase.

It means, as anon sources at the L.A. County Sheriff's Department tell TMZ, that the jails are so overcrowded, LiLo will be in and out in a matter of minutes.

LiLo's more lascivious fans need not fret about the sentence: She plans to complete her Playboy photo shoot before she has to report to jail next week.No foul, no fine

Upon further review, the ruling on the field against CBS has been overturned. The Eye won't be penalized $550,000 because of Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show, a federal appeals court in Philadelphia decided on Wednesday.

The Third Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the Federal Communications Commission had abandoned without warning its long-standing policy of tolerating momentary lapses from decency in word or image. "An agency may not apply a policy to penalize conduct that occurred before the policy was announced," wrote Circuit Judge Marjorie Rendell.

Judge Anthony Scirica issued a dissent saying CBS could be fined if the FCC finds it had prior knowledge of the malfunction. The FCC has argued that Jackson's choreographer suggested that something might be up before Justin Timberlake tore off Jackson's bustier, exposing her breast for nine-sixteenths of a second.

PTC outraged over Janet ruling

The Parents Television Council expressed outrage, calling the ruling "judicial stupidity and . . . a sucker-punch to families everywhere."

The Media Access Project, a coalition of producers, writers, and directors that filed an amicus brief in support of CBS, said the ruling is less critical to the industry than it was in 2008.

"It was a big fine for CBS, so that matters, but because the Supreme Court is looking at the constitutionality of the FCC policy itself, this ruling is much less significant than it was . . . the first time they ruled," said Andrew Jay Schwartzman, senior vice president and policy director.

Belieb it: Baby Bieber not baby's dad

Justin Bieber reportedly is none too pleased that a woman identified by E!Online as Mariah Yeater, 20, has filed a paternity suit against the singer, claiming he's the father of her 4-month-old son. Yeater says she and Justin conceived him in a backstage fumble 'n' roll. TMZ cites sources who say Justin denies he had relations with Yeater. His reps call the lawsuit "malicious, defamatory and demonstrably false." Justin on Wednesday tweeted, "Im going to ignore the rumors . . . and focus on what is real. . . . Judge me on the music! Love yall!"

Smackdown! Dykstra vs. Canseco

Former Phillies hero Lenny Dykstra, 48, vows to "destroy" fellow outfielder-turned celeb boxer Jose Canseco, 47, when they square off Saturday in Alki David's Celebrity Fight Night at the Avalon Concert Hall in Hollywood. Never mind that Jose has five inches of height and 35 pounds on Lenny. The fight will be streamed live on Lenny faces various legal hurdles, including charges of grand theft auto, drug possession, and indecent exposure. He blames his troubles on Jose.

Jessica will deliver, then wed

Jessica Simpson, who is expecting Nordic blond fiance Eric Johnson's baby, plans to marry the lovable lug at some date way after the birth, Anonymous Source tells People. The baby was not planned.

Way cool! Cars 'n' guns

TMZ says officers from the Catawba County, N.C., Sheriff's Department on Tuesday night searched ex-NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield's home for stolen goods (?!), found meth and 40 guns. Mayfield is out on $3,000 bail after being charged with felony drug possession. His guns will be returned if his permits check out.

DMX: All in a day's work

Hip-hop maestro DMX was so moved by a fan Tuesday night that he tried his hand at the guy's job, mopping floors at a Waffle House in Greenville, S.C. "I was in a good mood and felt that I would do that for him since it was 4 a.m. and [he] had been working all night," DMX tells TMZ.

Pay to play at 'X Factor'?

James Brown-tinted warbler Dexter Haygood says he wasn't cut from The X Factor because he wasn't good enough to continue in the singing contest, but because he made a deal with the show. Seems Dexter, 49, was dissatisfied with the pop songs he was forced to sing. "[I was] unhappy that I was unable to be a rock artist," he says. "I grew up on rock." So he made a deal with the producers: He'll agree to come back for the season finale if they let him walk.

Show reps say it's all baloney.

'Survivor' winner's cancer returns

Survivor champ  Ethan Zohn, whose Hodgkin's lymphoma has been in remission for nearly two years, tells People his cancer is back. "It's localized in my lung area," Zohn, 37, says. He is undergoing a new form of chemotherapy.

Jimmy Rollins to host charity gala

Phillies star Jimmy Rollins and his wife, Johari, will host a "Havana Nights"-themed charity ball Nov. 14 at the National Constitution Center featuring dishes from Cuba Libre restaurant. Funds will benefit Prevent Child Abuse Pennsylvania. "To put on a brand-new event that will raise awareness and benefit such a worthy organization is very exciting for both of us," Johari says in a statement.

The Kim Kardashian follies

Kim Kardashian mom Kris Jenner told Today on Wednesday that Kris Humphries' 72-day wife did not earn a nickel from her Aug. 20 wedding. Reports allege Kim 'n' Kris pimped out the sacred occasion for nearly $18 mil. Jenner did admit the couple "made some money for the pictures that were sold, but at the end of the day that money went toward the [$10 mil] wedding."

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