Steve and Mia: Helpful hubby feels unappreciated

Posted: November 04, 2011

Q: I'm a 40-year-old married man and, not to boast, I'm a fairly good husband. I do all the cooking and food-shopping, have a full-time career, help with the laundry, all the outside jobs, take the kids to school, etc.

I shower my wife with affection, waking her up in the morning with backrubs, telling her regularly how hot she looks, spontaneously giving her hugs and kisses in the kitchen . . . and yet, none of that is ever initiated by her. It would be nice to be on the receiving end of spontaneous affection or compliments for a change.

After 15 years of marriage, I'm starting to get bitter. And none of this has to do with sex . . . this I've accepted is a thing of the past. Any helpful advice, or am I just like every other 40-year-old married guy?

Steve: Every other 40-year-old married guy would be in divorce court. She's just not into you but enjoys the easy life you've given her. You both need marriage counseling immediately.

Mia: Sounds like you're married to a spoiled brat. Pull back. When she asks what's going on, explain how you're feeling. Tell her you won't go back to the way things were unless she reciprocates.

The next step is professional counseling. You're too good a guy to be an ungrateful woman's doormat.

Q: I had a feeling that the man I've been seeing for the past year was spending the weekend in another city with someone else. I had a family emergency and needed someone to talk to, so I called him. I heard a woman's voice in the background and he quickly rushed me off the phone. A few days later, he called me and we talked. He apologized. But I'm still feeling bad. I realize that this is not about him but about my needs.

Mia: Put yourself first 'cause the dude sure ain't. That playa is doing his thing. You do yours. By that I mean, date him occasionally if you must, but focus on finding your own boo, as they say - not sharing someone else's.

Put up a profile on Match.com or update your profile photos and return some emails.

Steve: Look at it this way: You wasted only a year. It could've been two years. Mia's right. Time to ease on down the road.


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. For answers email S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.

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