Steve and Mia: She's found no hint of Mr. Soulmate, only a load of losers

Posted: December 23, 2011

Q: I'm a woman in her late 20s and have tried the meet-up scene, the bar scene, the Internet-dating scene, etc. I meet guys; some are OK, most are losers, some will never grow up and the rest like video games more than having an actual conversation. I'm about to give up on ever meeting my soulmate. What would you suggest I do?

Steve: For every one of us, somewhere, there is a soulmate. And if we were together, our lives would be happy. However, the chances of meeting our soulmate are about 1 in 10 million. And if we were to meet, we'd likely discover that our soulmate was already married. What is to be done?

Well, one could pine away in a garret listening to Leonard Cohen songs. Or, instead of seeking Mr. Soulmate or Mr. Perfect, one could seek Mr. Part Soulmate or Mr. Imperfect. You won't live happily ever after, but you might have some fun along the way.

Mia: What are you interested in, other than a soulmate? Art? Spanish? Music? Food? Rescuing animals? Working out? Follow your interest to a museum, school, shelter or gym - places where grown-ups hang out. You might not find Mr. Right right away, but chances are, you'll befriend his sister, mom, best friend, personal trainer. (In the meantime, don't be so hard on yourself. Guys your age are still mental adolescents; soon they'll be catching up to you!)

Q: I have a slight dilemma and need a little help. I have recently developed a crush on my boyfriend's roommate. I know this happened because I'm around the roomie a lot and I've become friends with him. The problem is, I don't want this crush. I know it could lead to problems for all parties involved. The attraction to the roomie is killing me. I feel guilty, and I'm afraid that I might slip up in the wrong situation. What should I do about this crush? How can I get rid of it?

Steve: Wrong questions. Here's the right one: What do you feel about your boyfriend? If you were crazy in love with him, there would be no crush.

Mia: You and Steve are both right: Act on the crush now, and problems will ensue. So, ask yourself Steve's question. If you decide your boyfriend isn't the guy for you, break up with him, wait a while - at least as long as you and he dated - and see how you feel about his roommate after a while. If it's more than just a crush, it'll be a chance worth taking.


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. For answers email S&m@phillynews.com or write S&M, c/0 Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.

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