Dear Abby: She wants to keep her own last name

DEAR ABBY: My fiancé, "Kip," and I are being married next year, and we have only one disappointment. It's about my keeping my last name. I don't want to take Kip's last name.

I have had the same name for 33 years, and I do not believe a woman "has" to take her husband's name when they marry. However, the biggest issue for me is my fiancé never knew his father, who left when Kip was a baby. I do not wish to take the name of a man whom neither of us knows, and who had no positive influence on our lives. I'm part of a close-knit family, and I am proud to bear the name of my father - a hardworking, dedicated Vietnam veteran.

Am I out of line?

- Standing My Ground

in New Jersey

DEAR STANDING: While most women still change their names to their husband's (or hyphenate them), those who don't usually have established themselves in a career in which they are known by their maiden name. Others fear that if they change their names they'll lose their identity.

No one can or should decide this for you. However, if Kip did know his dad and the man was a fine, upstanding citizen, would you feel differently? Remember, you are marrying Kip, not his father, and I assume your fiancé is a wonderful person. Please make no decisions about this until you two have talked this out more fully.