Tell Me About It: Dilemma about a struggling college son

Question: My son is a freshman at an academically challenging liberal arts college. He is telling us that he is struggling to keep up, and, yes, we've told him to go to the academic advising office and the like.

The larger issue is what he is concluding from his struggles - that he wants to become a music major, which is OK, except that his goal is to parlay his mediocre musical talents into a performance career.

I don't want to quash the hopes of any 18-year-old, but how to make the best of this situation? Tell him to leave college and get a job, or perhaps pursue vocational education and work on his music in the evenings like other budding artists? Let him pursue a music major but remind him of the likelihood of a future as a band teacher? Let him figure everything out on his own (as we're paying . . . )?

Answer: Interesting. On one hand, you have the fact that your son probably won't get far doing something he hates, and that points to supporting his passion as arguably the best path for him to succeed.

On the other hand, you don't want to just smile and write checks while your son squanders his opportunity to learn something that's both satisfying and practical - and that points to using your financial leverage to be the voice of economic reality.

How about we split the baby? You support the music major, while insisting that he develop alternatives to a performance career.

So, as his guardians and clickers of the "pay" button, you can say you're all for this as long as there's a clear structure to his Plan B. Work with him on it as needed.

It seems as if your son could use a confidence boost right now - and it seems to me that it will be easier for him to recover later from a bad choice of major than it will be for him to recover now from low self-confidence.