Tell Me About It: Son's gf is pregnant and she's 'disappointed'

Question: My 26-year-old son's girlfriend - of four months - is pregnant. I have very mixed emotions about this, mainly because he just met her, and I do not know her. They work and live across the country.

I am disappointed in their behavior. How do I tell my friends the news? I am embarrassed.

Answer: There's a child on the way, and this is your big concern? How to tell your friends?

American adults overwhelmingly choose premarital sex - the Guttmacher Institute says 95 percent, the CDC says about 85 to 91 percent. (Amusingly, a few studies peg approval of premarital sex at 60 to 65 percent; being conflicted is a popular pastime.) Plus, birth control isn't perfect, so you have statistical permission not to single this couple out for shaming.

It's more productive anyway to shake off any notions of the way things should be, and start making room for the way things are. Any big concern belongs with the stability of the home that will welcome this baby, and leaving behind your disappointment will position you to provide the invaluable resources of love and acceptance.

If they plan to raise the baby as a couple, then tell your son you stand ready to help however you're able. If he OKs it and if you can afford it, fly out to meet the mother. Well, one more if: Go meet the mother if you can do so without putting on a thin-lipped judgy face, since you don't want to get off to a bad start at the grandma gig.

As for your friends, tell them, yay, you're going to be a grandmother! You really needn't elaborate, not even if a recipient of your news acts scandalized. Just say, "He's a grown man, and every baby's a joy."