1. It serves only five-liter kegs, which means you'll be tapping a new one during every timeout.
2. It works only with pressurized kegs of Heineken, Heineken Light and Newcastle Brown Ale. I do not need to tell you that on the occasion of America's greatest sports event, you ought not to be drinking imported beer.
3. Ice. A $3 bag from the 7-Eleven will do the trick just fine.
You can't blame a company for trying, I guess. Not when the NFL itself is doing the spadework. Check out the overpriced paraphernalia the hucksters are selling to beer drinkers at NFLShop.com:
* Tampa Bay Buccaneers Ceramic Coaster Set of 4: $24.99.
These coasters might protect your coffee table, but they won't soak up moisture, no matter whose logo is on them. My advice: Spend your dollars on a couple of six-packs at your local bar instead, and grab a handful of free cardboard coasters on your way out the door.
* St. Louis Rams Portable Bar: $499.99.
On the downside, you just paid 500 bucks for an umbrella, four barstools and a metal frame with plastic shelves. On the upside, it's on wheels, which makes it remarkably easy to drag to the curb when your miserable team finishes the season at 2-14.
* Philadelphia Eagles 5-quart beer pail: $29.99.
You read that right: 30 bucks for a metal bucket that you'll be using to clean paint brushes by the summer. To be fair, the NFL does boast it is "designed with a convenient handle."
* Oakland Raiders Tailgate Table with net: $139.99.
Why a net? You don't see a lot of tailgaters playing pingpong on windy football stadium parking lots. And this table is too short, too narrow and too low for the game.
Its dimensions are ideal, however, for beer pong.
