All my divorced friends think I am crazy and can't really be happy unless I put her out of my life. I am happy and have a good life, so why does everyone think I'm insane?
Answer: Two possibilities: (1) Your happiness is a front that your friends can see through, or (2) Your comfort with human complexity exceeds your friends'. The latter seems likely, given prevailing cultural attitudes about infidelity and divorce (and about marriage, since treating it as an adversarial, take-my-spouse-please act of externally imposed resignation is alive, if not exactly well ... but I digress).
If there's any chance it's No. 1, then hear your friends out.
Otherwise, you've earned your aw-shucks pat on the back. Bad feelings and bad behavior tend to create vicious circles, and it takes strength not to succumb.
Besides: There's no one "right" role for exes to serve in our lives - they can be friends, acquaintances, business partners, co-parents, strangers, whatever.
It's not where the ex goes that matters, it's where the anger goes. Congratulations on dealing with yours.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at email@example.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.