Soul-searching in translating Bryz

Bryzgalov
Bryzgalov
Posted: February 29, 2012

THERE IS NOTHING wrong with Ilya Bryzgalov that a slick interpreter can't cure. Never mind the goalie's early-season lament that he was lost in the woods. What he is, is lost in translation.

Too often, the quirky statements he makes are misinterpreted. Take the latest cry for help, that he hopes to "find peace in his soul to play in this city." That is the way it was reported and it sounded gloomier than a Stalingrad winter.

Listen closely and the anguished moaning can be explained in other ways. Suppose, just suppose, Bryzgalov sat down to dinner at one of Philadelphia's finest seafood restaurants. Suppose they served him a slab of Jersey flounder, when what he really ordered was the more delicate Dover sole. Thus, what he really meant was that he hopes to "find a piece of sole to play in this city."

Suppose he wanted to invest some of that $51-million deal in another sporting venture. Suppose he didn't really like the direction the Eagles were headed. Suppose he wanted to put his money into indoor football.

Shazam, he had these informal talks with Ron Jaworski. When Bryz suggested he had six acres in Siberia he could offer as a training camp, Jaworski stopped talking (an unlikely event). Thus, he hopes to "find a piece of the Soul to play in this city."

Bryzgalov is a man of many interests, including music. When he read of the death of Don Cornelius, it re-ignited his desire to invest in the music and video library of "Soul Train." Alas, Magic Johnson had beaten him to the punch. Thus, his disappointment and the hopes to "find a piece of his Soul (Train)" to play in this city.

The Bryz enjoys reading. He got around to "War and Peace" while on a visit to Korea. Loved "Peace," hated "War." Bam, he lost the classic in the capital city. Thus, sadly, he says, he hopes to "find Peace in Seoul to play in this city."

And the last, most logical explanation is one the critics missed, when he tried to make a kick save against Winnipeg, his skate came apart and the red light went on.

Fifth largest city in America and he can't find a decent shoemaker? Thus, he hopes to "find a piece of his sole to play in this city."

Drum roll, please.

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