(2) You've elevated a series of bummers into an annus horribilis and she's feeling less sympathetic than weary of your self-pity;
(3) She's one of the many good-hearted people who freeze in a crisis.
(4a) Your friend isn't as good a friend as you thought (bleaker view) - or (4b) She was once a great friend, but you've grown apart in a perfectly natural way, and it wasn't until you really needed her that you were able to notice the distance between you (brighter view, sort of). If you think it might be 1, ask her how she's doing, and tell her you're sorry you've gone AWOL while dealing with your own stuff.
If you fear it might be 2, make a list of all the things you're counting toward your conclusion of "nonstop hell," compare these with other things people deal with regularly, and see whether you need to toughen up a bit.
If history tells you it's 3, then be honest with her about what you'd like from her. "I'm having a rough go of it, and I realize it can be hard for friends to know what to say, but I'd really just like someone to ask if I want to see a movie."
If it's looking like 4, then paint a silver lining by deciding that if you were going to get this bad news, it might as well come now, when you're in full disaster mode, and take comfort in the fact that life is cyclical and things will get better. Plus, you'll be a more resilient person when those good times come, because you'll have the knowledge that you were able to process several painful losses at once and still keep trudging along.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.