"You go night-night."
How can you argue with that? Sleep is for the weary, not the wired, and it makes absolutely no sense to pretend otherwise.
If only the rest of the world reasoned like a 3 1/2-year-old (North Korea notwithstanding) and realized that certain things are uncomplicated.
For example, why should Donald Trump be forced to let the formerly male Miss Canada compete in the Miss Universe contest? Isn't he entitled, as the owner and operator of this most respectable of striptease shows, to set a threshold requirement that the women who compete in the pageant actually have started out as women? Yes, the transgendered community will say that gender is what we want it to be, organs be damned (well, any organ but the brain, that is.) They will say that just because someone was born a biological male, she is not limited to that designation if she later decides to have corrective surgery. They will go so far as to say that if a person lives like a woman, feels like a woman (a natural one, a la Aretha) and holds herself out to the rest of the world as a woman, that makes her a woman. It's kind of like the old Army slogan, "Be all that you can be." Only here, it's "Be whatever you want to be, regardless of God and/or Darwin."
I suppose it's fine if someone wants to adopt the identity he or she feels most comfortable with. It's a free country, after all. But they shouldn't be able to bully the rest of society into accepting them on their own peculiar terms.
Let's reimagine that conversation between Alex and his mommy, only this time between Donald Trump and Miss Canada:
"Mr. Trump, I want a chance to be Miss Universe."
"But you're a man."
"No I'm not. God made a mistake. I always felt female."
"But the contest is for women."
"I'm a woman."
"What does the law in Canada say?"
And as we all know, Miss Canada won the right not only to compete, but paved the way for her transgendered siblings. Like Alex, she got her way. Except her logic was exactly the opposite of his. He wasn't tired, so he wasn't going to bed. She wasn't technically a female, but she was going to force the competition to treat her as one.
Another example of this twisted analysis recently occurred in Tennessee, when Vanderbilt University forced a "nondiscrimination" policy onto the school's Catholic-student union. Now, while things like "nondiscrimination" always sound benign, this one required Vandy Catholic to accept non-Catholics as leaders, the people who set the goals and directives of the organization.
You heard correctly. A Catholic group was going to be forced to accept Muslims, Jews, Protestants or atheists in leadership roles in the - let me repeat this - Catholic group. And when it said no, it was told in no uncertain terms that it was no longer welcome on campus. Not only that, but the university also demanded that it stop using the name "Vanderbilt" in its literature.
But, of course, this wasn't anti-Catholicism. This was being ecumenical, open, diverse. At Vanderbilt, religious groups have no right to determine their own rules and regulations when it comes to the fundamentals of their faith. And if they resist, they can be bullied off campus because they don't adhere to some ridiculous and politically correct version of tolerance.
But it's not just beauty pageants and college campuses that make my toddler nephew look profound. My own profession got in on the act, too.
Recently, an undocumented alien graduated from law school in Florida and now wants to be admitted to practice law. That's right. Someone who isn't authorized to work in the United States wants to become an officer of the court, applying some of the same laws that he and his parents broke when they overstayed their visas over a decade ago.
I'm an immigration lawyer. I think the system is broken, and needs to be fixed. But there is no way that someone who can be deported by ICE should be able to stand in court and represent other people before Lady Justice.
Just ask Alex.
Christine M. Flowers is a lawyer. Email firstname.lastname@example.org.