Now he’s furious, says he feels betrayed and thinks I orchestrated this whole transfer to be in the same office as my ex.
I love my fiance, am fiercely loyal to him and completely honest with him always, but I’m at my wits’ end on this hamster wheel of jealousy and distrust. How can I show him that I am his alone, and that, while the new work environment may not be ideal, it’s not a reason to accuse me of wrongdoing!?
Answer: I can answer that, but I won’t, because the objective — preserving your relationship with your accuser — is one I refuse to encourage.
Such jealousy is a major predictor of abuse.
My advice is this: Tell him, "I won’t stay with someone who believes me capable of what you’re saying." Then don’t cave when he sweetens up. Face the ugliness he spewed, learn from it, leave.
Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker if you think I’m overreacting.
Or, think how scared you are now, imagining how he’ll take the news.
E-mail Carolyn at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.