Q: My father was a classic deadbeat dad. As kids, we maybe saw him once a year. I never liked him much. He was a bum. He hardly ever gave my mom money. My mom did everything for us. Now my dad is old and lonely and wants to spend time with us. He complains all the time about being broke and hints about needing money. Part of me feels sorry for him. He's got all these health problems and doesn't have any friends that we know of. The other part of me is bitter because he brought this all on himself. I live my life and he lives his usually, but Sunday is Father's Day. Should I mess up my own Father's Day plans — which are to relax on my couch — or drive to Allentown to see him?
Steve & Mia: Don't be a lousy son on Father's Day
MIA: Just because your dad sucked at parenting doesn't mean you should return the favor by being a lousy son. You're never wrong when you try to be the bigger man. Visit the old guy. Maybe take him out to breakfast at a diner. Put $50 in a Father's Day card and give it to him. But do it early so you can get home and enjoy your own Father's Day.
StEVE: What Mia said.
Q: My wife's son is home all day, practically every day. He's a decent enough kid, but it drives me nuts that he's home all day playing video games while everyone else in the family is out working. He works a few hours a week but really needs to be working full time in my opinion. I talk to my wife about it and she shrugs it off, saying he's just immature and needs time to grow up. I don't think she's wrong but this is getting under my skin. I've tried talking directly to him but nothing ever comes of it.
MiA: Don't give up on the kid. You didn't say how old he is. But maybe he needs another year to grow up. Instead of steaming silently about it, book a weekend down the shore—and leave him behind. Not seeing him for a few days may help you be more patient.
StEVE: If he is older than 21 and you own the house either yourself or jointly with your wife, then you and the missus need to talk about his responsibility to pay his share. Being someone's son doesn't entitle anyone to be a freeloader. He'll grow up faster if he has to pay rent. n
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an altogether different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Email S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.
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