Dear Abby: Happily remarried gay man wants to contact ex-wife

Posted: June 20, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I married "Linda" 22 years ago. Three years later, the marriage was over.

After our divorce, I came out as gay. I met a wonderful man in 1996, and we were married in Iowa in 2009.

Over the years, I have wondered how Linda was getting along. I'd like to get back in touch with her.

At one time we lived only a few miles from her. I drove by her home, but lost my nerve when I saw her father standing outside. Family members discouraged me from attempting to contact her after our split.

I heard a few weeks ago that Linda has remarried, although I'm not sure how long ago.

Obviously, I have no desire to rekindle a romance. I'm happily married and assume she is, too. I would like to talk with her, but I don't know if it would be a mistake.

I have considered contacting her via a third party. What do you think?

— Linda's Ex in Council Bluffs

DEAR EX: Before reaching out you need to ask yourself what you would gain by making contact, and equally important, what Linda would gain. If she blamed herself for the failure of the marriage, contact with you might be reassuring. If you realized your true sexual orientation only after the divorce, then telling her might relieve any guilt you have about it.

But only you — not I — can make, this decision. n

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