Dear Abby: Successful career change sours longtime friendship

Dear Abby
Posted: July 05, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I am 39, married, and a professional woman with a good income. My best friend, "Barbie," and I both went to work after high school without completing our education. However, after several years I decided to go to college and get a degree so I could change careers. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. My income has more than doubled.

Barbie is obviously jealous of my new life. She and her family barely make ends meet. I now feel as if I must walk on eggshells around her — guarding my conversation lest I mention a new purchase or having time off. If something does slip out, Barbie becomes defensive.

An example: We went shopping last week. She bought only a gift she had to have for a birthday — nothing for herself. As to my purchase, she made a comment to the effect that "it must be nice to be able to buy something so frivolous."

— Tired of Feeling Apologetic

DEAR TIRED: When your friend commented that it must be nice to be able to buy something frivolous, you had an opening to tell her that before you earned your degree you couldn't either, which was one of the reasons you decided it was time to change your life by returning to school.

As things stand, the nature of your friendship with Barbie must change. If the relationship is to continue, you will have to forgo the shopping trips together and any references to your new lifestyle. Otherwise, they will be perceived as bragging, and the comparisons may be painful to her. Be prepared to be sensitive to that, or move on.

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