Dear Abby: Patient is attracted to therapist

Dear Abby
Posted: July 10, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder many years ago. I started a combined therapy about a year ago — individual and a dialectical behavioral therapy group.

Everything has been going great, and I have learned a lot about myself. The problem is, I have become very attracted to my therapist and, as a result, I feel it is interfering with my treatment.

Lately, my only interest in going to group or therapy is to see him and be in his presence. I also find myself canceling group if I know he won't be there.

I am confused as to why I am having these feelings. Is it part of my bipolar disorder, or something else? Surely, this would be something I would bring up to my therapist, but I'm embarrassed.

Abby, what do you suggest I do in a situation like this? I feel like putting a hold on therapy for a while because of this, but I know that I still need it.

— Needs Therapy in Illinois

DEAR NEEDS THERAPY: Please don't use this as an excuse to stop your therapy. Your feelings are very common in psychotherapy. The term for it is "transference." It is the process by which emotions associated with one person — such as a parent — unconsciously shift to another. In your case, that's your therapist. Because you're finding it distracting, it's important that you discuss this privately with your therapist. It won't be the first time he has heard it, I guarantee.

I'll bet if you asked in a group session, "How many people here are in love with Dr. So-and-So?" almost every hand in the room would go up. n

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