Dear Abby:

Posted: July 19, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my husband, "Howard." I moved from my family, left my job and sold my house to marry him three years ago. Now I feel trapped.

I'm a housewife and I take care of his mother who lives with us (another story). I'm at home all day. He refuses to get another car because he's "afraid" I'm going to meet someone else if I go out.

Howard doesn't like my friends — the three I have. He has taken church away from me, because he believes a husband and wife should go to church together: He doesn't, so I can't either. He's verbally abusive. I feel I can't do anything right. Everything revolves around him.

This is a second marriage for both of us. He admits that he's insecure. I love him, but I can't take this anymore. I want to leave, but I don't know where to begin. If I were to go home, I'd have nothing.

We have no children together. What is your advice?

— Trapped in the Southwest

DEAR TRAPPED: By now you must realize there is no way to assuage your husband's insecurity and need to control. No wonder this is his second marriage; I don't think it will be his last. Look at it this way: He has a housekeeper, a caregiver for this mother and someone he can control.

There are worse things than starting from scratch to rebuild your life. The first that comes to mind is this marriage. So, pick up the phone and ask your family to come and get you. And if you think he could become violent, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 to formulate an escape plan. n

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