She, too, gave up baby, and she has no regrets

Posted: July 24, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I was glad to see the letter you printed from "Fine With My Decision." I placed a baby boy for adoption when I was 16. My parents were bitterly disappointed and sent me out of state. But despite my somewhat immature and rebellious nature, I was — and remain — glad my parents made me do the right thing.

In the years since, there has been a trend toward "open adoptions" and emotional reunions between birth mothers and adoptees who were separated under the "closed system." I think open adoption is probably healthier for everyone except in cases of rape, incest or abuse/neglect.

If the child I gave birth to were to come looking for me, I feel that's his right and I wouldn't turn him away. But I have never felt a desire to look for him. His birth was not a happy event in my life, and I don't care to revisit that chapter. I don't regard him as my son. The people who raised him are his parents, not the green kid who got herself in trouble.

I'm somewhat younger than the girls who gave up babies from the 1940s to 1960s, so I didn't get the "keep it a deep dark secret" advice. I also don't feel I was unfairly coerced. I was 16 and couldn't support a child. When I think of how my life would have been if I'd kept him, I'm sure I did the right thing.

Thanks for writing, "Fine With My Decision." You've got company in me, and I'm sure there are plenty more of us out there.

— Fine With my Decision, too

DEAR FINE TOO: Your letter expresses the sentiments of many women who responded, as I knew they would.

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