Mia: Buy Beano? Invest in some ear (and nose) plugs? Whatever you do, don't dump your guy over this, because the next one will probably have the same problem.
Steve: I smell a rat. I'm wondering if BF thinks it's "funny," in a Three Stooges kind of way. If he does it when you're both "in the mood," change your mood, roll over and go to sleep. See if that brings relief.
Q: I'm a divorced woman who has been very attracted to a neighbor for a while. We flirt with each other constantly and sometimes very suggestively, but it's never gone beyond that. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment and neither is he, but there's one issue: I'm 43 and he's 19. I know we couldn't really have a relationship with our age difference, although I don't think either one of us would be looking for a relationship. He heads off to college next month, which complicates things even more. I so badly want to act on these feelings before he goes away, even if it's just one time. I don't want us to do something we'd regret, but I also don't want to be left wondering "what if?" Is it possible we could do this without any hurt feelings later, or would it be better to leave things to our imaginations?
Steve: It's possible to do it without hurt feelings, providing you both know this is just a fling, Mrs. Robinson. I prefer romantic errors of commission to omission.
Mia: Some fantasies should be kept just that — fantasies. If you actually bedded your teenage Romeo, I suspect you'd be disappointed. Little man needs more real life experience to catch up to you. Let him experiment on college girls while you look for someone closer to your own age. Your reputation will thank you.
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Email S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.