Dave on Demand: Dancing's flat-footed 'All-Stars'

Among the stars on "Dancing With the Stars" Season 15 are, Kirstie Alley ...
Among the stars on "Dancing With the Stars" Season 15 are, Kirstie Alley ... (ADAM TAYLOR / ABC)
Posted: July 29, 2012

ABC has announced the chorus line for its 15th season of Dancing With the Stars, which will begin in September. It's a field made up of previous contestants that the network is labeling an "all-stars" edition.

A couple of things leap out of that news flash. It implies that up until now, the show has been exercising a great deal of latitude in its definition of "stars." And the fact that it is now recycling participants suggests that we may finally have exhausted America's vast storehouse of random and bizarre quasi-celebrities.

The deck on DWTS: All-Stars is stacked with six former winners: Emmitt Smith, Shawn Johnson, Kelly Monaco, Drew Lachey, Apolo Anton Ohno, and Helio Castroneves. One of them may have Mirror Ball bookends.

The also-danced are Kirstie Alley, Pamela Anderson, Joey Fatone (fresh off his critically acclaimed turn in Jersey Shore Shark Attack), Gilles Marini, who is famous primarily for appearing on DWTS, Bachelor reject Melissa Rycroft, and Bristol Palin. You can vote online for one of three candidates to be the 13th dancer. I don't care about any of them.

Not much suspense, not much fun, and certainly not the field I would have chosen.

What I wouldn't give to see Master P lurch across the floor one more time.

How could you miss out on an opportunity to get Donny and Marie competing?

And call me crazy, but I would have liked to see pro wrestler Chris Jericho go all twinkle toes again. Or the return of the show's other pro wrestler, Stacy Keibler. (Hmmm, wonder if she shared that part of her resumé with boyfriend George Clooney?)

Another missing member of my dream tap team: Wayne Newton. Little-known fact: For all these years, Donald Trump has been conducting a tonsorial tribute to Newton.

On the bright side, at least we were spared Melissa Gilbert and Rob Kardashian. Unless next season they do DWTS: Villains.

Role models. Bristol Palin should have time to rehearse her salsa. Her Lifetime reality series about raising a child as a young single mom, Life's a Tripp, has been doing so dismally it was bumped from prime time for reruns of Dance Moms.

At least her mom stuck up for the program this week, saying: "I love the show. I think . . . it's very positive, it's very realistic in terms of showing what single motherhood really is. It's not like the Teen Mom - partyin', woo-hoo! – fun, glamorizing single motherhood."

First of all, Sarah picked the wrong time to praise Bristol's parenting style. Her comments followed an episode in which Tripp screeched at his Aunt Willow, calling her what was, despite bleeping, pretty clearly a very ugly gay slur. Hmm, where does a 3-year-old pick up language like that?

Second, Sarah may want to reconsider what message Teen Mom is actually sending to girls. According to a study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, the vast majority of teens now "better understand the challenges of pregnancy and parenting" due to the MTV reality shows Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. In fact, 2010 marked a record-low birthrate in this country for girls 15 to 19. So much for glamorizing.

She's back. Kate Gosselin is shopping around a new reality show that would follow her on dates as she tries to land a new man.

Jimmy Kimmel referred to the concept as " The Bachelorette meets The Deadliest Catch."

You've got to hand it to Kate. She managed to find a way to get us to pay for raising her brood of children. In grand style. You try taking eight kids to a resort in Hawaii.

Now we're going to foot the bill while she wines and dines some guys into a stupor before wrapping them in her web.

It won't end here, people. This will be a cradle-to-grave reality-show-subsidized life. Wait for her funeral series: Kate the Late.


Contact David Hiltbrand

at 215-854-4552 or dhiltbrand@phillynews.com, or follow on Twitter @daveondemand_tv. Read his blog, "Dave on Demand," at www.philly.com/dod.

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