DEAR ABBY: Exhausted caregivers must give themselves a break

Posted: August 09, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I think what "End of My Rope" may have failed to say is that she's tired of sacrificing her own life to care for her ill-tempered, terminally ill husband. Harsh as this may seem, it's a fact. I have been caring for my father for eight years. He's suffering from severe dementia and is now an invalid. I, too, provide him round-the-clock care.

My suggestion to "End" would be to talk to a respite facility about giving her a "vacation" from her husband. I do this with my father twice a year. His appreciation for the care I give him increases greatly after being in a "home." He goes for only one week at a time, but it's long enough for me to miss him and for him to realize I'm not so bad after all.

"End" is overwhelmed and angry right now because her husband expects so much from her. This isn't his fault. It is normal for someone with brain cancer. If no one else is stepping up to give her the breaks she so desperately needs, then she must consider her own well-being. She must do what her heart tells her. She has my sympathy and respect for what she has done so far.

— Been There, Still Doing That

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for writing. Many readers responded, offering suggestions gained from personal experience.:

DEAR ABBY: Did you know you do not need a physician to refer you to hospice? You can SELF-refer. However, the doctor must certify eligibility so care can begin.

— Bronx M.D.

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