Steve & Mia: She's grown tired of 'lazy bum' husband

Posted: August 10, 2012

Q: I'm married to a man who won't work. If you ask him, he'll say he's a real-estate agent, but he hardly ever sells anything. He says it's because of the economy. I pay all the bills for him, our daughter and his son, who comes over regularly and eats everything in sight. I hate seeing him lying around like a lazy bum. I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

Mia: You didn't say whether you still love him. If you do, and I suspect so, you're going to have to get him some help. Is there a pastor he respects? Or could you possibly get him to marriage counseling? You're going to organize some sort of intervention to get him some help or else you are going to become so resentful that one day you won't write to advice columnists — you'll walk out.

Steve: I agree that counseling is needed, but a deadline might help as well. Tell him that in six months, your contribution will be reduced to 50 percent of family expenses. If he is unable to meet his half, you will see a divorce lawyer.

Q: I've been the de facto partner of a so-called Christian man for years. We travel together and spend time with each other's families, but he won't marry me. I've been waiting on him to make things right between us for years. Now, I'm older, as is he, and I feel like I've wasted my entire life waiting on him. I'm 65. He's almost 70.

Steve: Years? Did you think he'd change when he turned 70? He is what he is. He won't ever marry you. The ball is in your court. You have to decide if life is better staying with him and never marrying or dumping him and hoping to find someone who will marry you.

Mia: You're not that mad; otherwise you'd teach that old dog a new trick. Some men aren't the marrying kind, and your guy falls into that category. If you stay, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an altogether different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Email S&M@phillynews.com; or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Third Floor, Philadelphia, PA 19107

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