Dear Abby: Dear Abby: Gay man pressured to date wants co-workers to back off

Posted: September 04, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old gay man. In my community, coming out at work isn't an option. I really like my job and want to keep it, but a female colleague is not only trying to persuade me to go out with her, but she has gotten our co-workers involved. I'm constantly pressured by my supervisor to just "give her a chance." I have already told everyone I'm not interested in mixing my personal and work lives, and I want to come to work only to work - not upgrade my marital status. But the pressure from everyone has gotten worse. I dread coming to work.

Would it be unethical to hire a "girlfriend" to stop by the office next week to bring me lunch? Maybe if I kiss and hug her as I say goodbye, my co-workers will back off. If not this, can you recommend something else?

- Can't Come Out in Texas

DEAR CAN'T COME OUT: You have described a classic example of sexual harassment and a hostile work environment. Your co-workers may consider themselves "Cupid's helpers," but their actions could be the basis for a lawsuit. That you are gay is irrelevant. If you were straight and simply did not like her, their behavior is still intolerable. Document everything. Go to your supervisor's boss if necessary and state plainly that you need help to put a stop to this. You do not have to explain your lack of attraction. If it isn't stopped, see an attorney. Do NOT hire anyone to pose as a girlfriend.

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