Steve and Mia: Hubby: 10 years later & the thrill is gone

Posted: September 07, 2012

Q: When I met my future wife, she exercised regularly, enjoyed movies and cooked for me. Ten years and two kids later, she no longer exercises, prefers TV to movies, and I do at least half the cooking.

If I had known how much she would change, I never would've married her. I can see why people get divorced after 10 years of marriage. You think you're getting one thing and end up with something altogether different.

How could I have avoided this?

Steve: You can't. Marriage is like baseball. The pitcher will try new things to get a better out. The batter will change his habits to counter the pitcher's new approach. It is cat-and-mouse, constant change. You either adapt or die.

People change constantly as they age because of their life experiences and lots of other reasons. In a marriage, you must learn to adapt to changes in your spouse as she learns to adapt to changes in you. If either party can't adapt, the marriage will die. Been that way forever.

Mia: Don't kid yourself, big daddy. She's as bored with you as you are with her.

If you want excitement, make an effort instead of just blaming your better half. You want her to exercise? Inspire her to get moving by getting a set of washboard abs yourself.

If she's watching too much TV, it's probably because you two aren't doing anything fun. Get bicycles and tool around the neighborhood together. Be the change you want to see, as the saying goes.

Q: I haven't had sex in nearly a year and it's making me feel nuts. I'm getting back on the scene, going to the clubs and all, but my confidence is shot. I'm a mom who's been out of the game for a long time.

Mia: A pole-dancing or exotic dance class could help you reconnect to your sensual side. I'm not suggesting you get a job dancing for a living, just that you brush up on your moves a bit. You never know when you might need them.

Steve: Maximize your chances by joining groups (book club, ski club, etc.) where you'll meet like-minded men. Also, speed-dating events are good practice for meeting new people.


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

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