Answer: "Out there" will just be more of the same, if all you care about is not looking old and not being alone.
You are the mother of and primary influence on two children - girls, no less. Do you want them to tend to their clothes and bodies and dating mechanics, then consign the rest to hope? The palpably desperate hope that men will save them from being alone?
Or, do you want them to tend to their minds, character, interests, senses of self, and physical and emotional hygiene, and to feel empowered to make good choices from there?
If you want the latter, then you need to teach your girls by living that way yourself. And that means a long look at who you are, then some perspective changes:
Make choices that fill in the blank in this sentence: "I will ---- because it is the best I can do for me and my kids." And, throw away this sentence: "I will ---- because that's what guys look for and I don't want to end up alone."
Know and stick to your priorities. First, list them then place them where they can nag you whenever you're tempted to grab some immediate gratification.
E-mail Carolyn at tellme@washpost.com.
