Steve and Mia: Female co-worker keeps married male pal at a distance

Posted: September 28, 2012

Q: I am a married man who has been great friends with a woman co-worker for six years. We play tennis together and have gone out everywhere a lot. However, the last three months she has become very distant. She will not even have lunch with me anymore. I'm so confused and frustrated. What should I do?

Steve: Great friends share their news and feelings with each other. Maybe your friendship isn't as great as you think. Ask her what's going on in her life that's caused her to pull away, and accept her answer, whatever it may be.

Mia: Steve's right. You guys need to talk. Maybe you said something that she took the wrong way. Or maybe she's going through a funk that has nothing to do with you. Try to find out, but don't be overly pushy. Some friendships peter out over time, and maybe that's what happened with yours.

Q: I'm a cancer survivor who underwent a double mastectomy a few years ago. I'm feeling strong again and am back at work. At a sales meeting recently, I met a man who I like a lot. We've gone out for drinks and had dinner a few times. I can tell he's interested, but I'm in a panic because he doesn't know about my situation. I'm nervous about telling him; I don't want to scare him off. I mean, he's younger than I am, never been married and has no kids. Why would he want to be with me after all I've been through, when he could be with someone else?

Mia: Think of your surgery scars as signs that you're a survivor - not damaged goods. You stared cancer in the face and won. That makes you fierce on top of being fabulous. To shore up your confidence, reach out to a breast cancer survivor group or get one-on-one help. You need to get your swagger back. If you feel good about your body, I guarantee you he will, too. Good luck!

Steve: If he's interested in you as a person, it won't be a problem. If he's interested in you only because of your looks, you won't be losing anything.


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

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