Dear Abby: She's Lost That Loving Feeling

Posted: October 07, 2012

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old woman who has wanted to write to you for years. I'll soon celebrate my 20th wedding anniversary.

I am very unhappily married. I married "Bill" for all the wrong reasons. I never truly loved him the way a woman should love a man but remained in the marriage because I am "supposed to."

He's a wonderful husband and father and has a job that pays well. I work part time. Bill and I get along just fine. He is easy to talk to, and we're very good friends. I don't want to lose that. But there is no passion in our relationship and never was.

I don't want to hurt my children, but I can't pretend. I am attracted to other men. I'm afraid I'm going to start hating him because I feel trapped. We have both spoken to professionals and I have talked to my priest. He just keeps on trying - buying me flowers, doing all the right things. It just makes me angry.

- Had It in Hartford, Conn.

DEAR HAD IT: Let me get this straight - you married your husband under false pretenses and have lied to him for 20 years. Both of you have my sympathy.

The best advice I can offer is to think long and hard about what you have now and what you "might" have in the future. Believe me, there are NO GUARANTEES, and expectations have changed a lot since you were in the dating and mating market. If you really cannot love your husband the way he should be loved - and counseling won't help - then let him go. He deserves better.

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