Sideshow: Calamari Sisters touring Philadelphia

The Calamari Sisters, Delphine and Carmela, pay a visit to "Rocky." The pair also ran up the Art Museum steps.
The Calamari Sisters, Delphine and Carmela, pay a visit to "Rocky." The pair also ran up the Art Museum steps.
Posted: October 26, 2012

As you should know by now, the Calamari Sisters (I mean, what kind of last name is Squid ?) , Carmela and Delphine, are the fictive stars of the hit musical Cooking with the Calamari Sisters, which just got extended to Dec. 2 at the Society Hill Playhouse. So happy are the sisters, played in hilarious guise by Jay Falzone and Stephen Smith, that they're visiting all over Philly. Watch for them near you - and ask for a recipe.

Do ya think I'm 60?, Part XLVII

People and U.K.'s Daily Mail are running sections from Rod Stewart's forthcoming autobio, Rod: The Autobiography. The always quotable Rod tells us that Janis Joplin was always chasing himself and bandmate Ronnie Wood around, seeking intense and immediate intimacies: "We were terrified of her and would hide behind the plant in the lobby." He also speaks of addiction, divorce, starving for the sake of art, etc.

When did he know he'd made it? Fame, we mean? It was an afternoon in 1971, as he recalls. He was climbing out of his Lamborghini, don't you know, "dressed as a leopard from head to toe, with my girlfriend . . . and thinking to myself, 'Bloody hell - you're quite the rock star, aren't you, son?' " All the signs were there!

The Simpsons and their rumors

OK, we didn't see this coming. . . . If, indeed, there is anything to these reports.

Yesterday, we at SideShow had the sad duty of reporting the sundering of Joe and Tina Simpson, reality-TV folks and real-world parents of stars Jessica and Ashlee. Now rumors are ramping, stoked by a National Enquirer article, that Joe is gay. A rep says that the split is, sure it is, amicable, and that "there is no third party involved." In her divorce filing, Tina claims "discord or conflict of personalities" after 34 years. Joe is asking that Tina walk away from the marriage with zippo. Stay tuna.

Helen Hunt on nudity with kids

SideShow favorite and genius thesp Helen Hunt is in the forthcoming The Sessions, in much of which she is totally, like, nekkid. Starkers, OK? It's a professional necessity. She's a sex surrogate trying to do something extremely nice to/for John Hawkes, paralyzed by polio. "It was scary," the 49-year-old Emmy-and-Golden-Globe-and-Oscar-winner says, "but perfect." You gonna let your stepson Emmett, 15, and daughter Makena Lei Gordon Carnahan, 8 [with your boyfriend, producer Matthew Carnahan], watch that? Her answer: "[T]hey are beginning to be an age where their sexuality is coming to life or going to come to life. I would love to bring in the spirit of this character to deal with it." Um, whaaat? Translation: Shut up, I got paid. . . . OK, that was cruel. We may not understand, but we do love you, H.H.

Icky video at Justin/Jess wedding

This can't be true, can it? We've been reading about the blissy, celestial wedding ceremony last Friday of beauteous Justin Timberlake and bounteous Jessica Biel, and it all sounds so wonderful . . . but now, ick, turns out a pal of theirs, Justin Huchel, made a video, shown at their wedding party, in which what appear to be real, skid-row L.A. homeless persons wish them well and say stuff like "my gift is in the mail." Whaaaat? Come on. Yeah, it makes fun of Justy and Jess' wealth, and yeah, maybe they didn't know it was coming, but yeah, it's totally, benthically (bottomfeedingly) tasteless. And, of course, it got leaked on to the Whirly Wide Web, baby, oh, yeah, courtesy of that edgy site Gawker. Huchel says he'll sue Gawker and wants the vid, which was a private thing, yo (well, it's still offensive, J-Huch), taken down.

People James Franco is *not* dating

Whew. Rumors had idiosyncratic fellow James Franco dating Ashley Benson, his costar in Spring Breakers. Not so, turns out. Oh, OK . . . um, are you boodling with Kristen Stewart? J-Franc denies it. As for Benson and Selena Gomez, he says, "Those are [ Justin] Bieber's girls and I wouldn't dare tangle with the Biebs." Wise. We hear he leads them around in chains.

A fluffernutter of bitty news . . .

Sean P. Puff Diddy Daddy Combs was involved in a car crash in L.A. on Wednesday night, when his chauffeur-driven SUV T-boned a car making a sudden left in front of them. Photos show a shaken Diddy lying on the grass, but apparently he and all involved are OK, which is good. "Woah . . . that was a close one!" he tweeted Thursday morning. . . . In other L.A.-area traffic news, TMZ learns that hours before getting a DUI in L.A., Bobby Brown was hanging out at the Maui Sugar Mill Saloon in Tarzana, Calif. He even sang karaoke. . . . Melanie Griffith is reportedly helping Eva Longoria cope with her breakup from Jets QB Mark Sánchez. . . . Another report says what broke them up was the lousy season the Jets have been having. That's your reason for dumping incredibly lovely Eva? You're nuts, yo. . . . This lawsuit involving purported talent manager Sam Lutfi and Britney Spears is apparently endless. . . . Lovely Princess Madeleine of Sweden has gotten engaged to dual U.S./U.K. money guy Christopher O'Neill. . . . The increasingly frightening Dolly Parton picked up a "sexy" Halloween costume at Trashy Lingerie in L.A. "We have fun at Halloween," Dolly told TMZ. Then she womanhandled herself and said, and can you love this enough?, "I have two pumpkins . . . that's all I care about."
This article includes information from Inquirer wire services. Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.

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