Second, we are drafting from the middle (fifth) position in a zig-zag format, meaning Arian Foster and Ray Rice were not available to us in the first round.
Third, we're selecting players based on their average draft position in multiple mock draft sites as of the end of August. And finally, our goal is nothing short of total domination and the abject humiliation of our opponents.
Now, with the fifth pick of the 2012 Perfect Draft, we should have selected . . .
Round 1.Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings. I realize we could wait and grab Peterson in the next round or even a bit later, but there's a method to my madness. Only Foster ranks ahead of AP at the midseason turn, which is just sort of miraculous.
Round 2. A.J. Green, WR, Bengals. Arguably the best receiver in the game, Green often slipped to the third round in many leagues.
Round 3. Victor Cruz, WR, Giants. We now have the most prolific receiving tandem in the business. Makes you want to salsa.
Round 4. Frank Gore, RB, 49ers. Overlooked by many heading into the season, Gore is still performing at a high level and makes an excellent RB2.
Round 5. Matt Ryan, QB, Falcons. Those who sat patiently as the first round of passers went off the board were rewarded with the fifth-year star who has finally stepped up to elite status. Now you understand my draft strategy.
Round 6. Vincent Jackson, WR, Buccaneers. Now that he and Josh Freeman are in sync, Jackson is again among the most dangerous playmakers in the league.
Round 7. Stevan Ridley, RB, Patriots. Quietly, and somewhat shockingly, Ridley has reached the halfway point in the company of the top-five rushers. It will be even more surprising if he's still here by year's end.
Round 8. Robert Griffin III, QB, Redskins. With Griffin on track to become the new face of the NFL, we'll have trouble keeping RGIII on our bench.
Round 9. C.J. Spiller, RB, Bills. He lacks consistency because of Fred Jackson's interference. But when Spiller gets the ball, he's usually unstoppable.
Round 10. Denarius Moore, WR, Raiders. After a slow start, Moore is living up to his sleeper potential as Carson Palmer's most reliable weapon.
Round 11. Bears defense/special teams. Nobody else even comes close. Chicago leads the league in turnovers, fewest points allowed and, most important, defensive scoring. In most formats, they're as valuable as all but the top RBs and WRs.
Round 12. Texans defense/special teams. We don't normally advocate drafting two defensive units, but why let a competitor snag fantasy's second-ranked squad?
Round 13. Randall Cobb, WR, Packers. Late-round sleepers are meant to be stashed away for a few weeks, in hopes that they'll begin contributing by midyear. Cobb started fulfilling his promise in Week 5.
Round 14. Owen Daniels, TE, Texans. Finally fully healthy, Daniels is on track to blow away his career bests.
Round 15. Heath Miller, TE, Steelers. Only Rob Gronkowski has more TDs than Miller's six, and he wasn't even drafted in most leagues.
Round 16. Alfred Morris, RB, Redskins. How rare is it for a sixth-round rookie to become not just an instant contributor but a legitimate workhorse? One of the true surprises of the 2012 season, Morris is one of the most consistently reliable tailbacks in the league.
Follow Ladd Biro at fantasy-fools.blogspot.com, on Facebook and @ladd_biro on Twitter.