Answer: I believe you're feeling a sane amount of resentment.
Noel is being a complete child, as you know, and Noel knows it's not "only one day" - it takes weeks to put on the kind of Christmas you're talking about. And it's not weeks of joyous voluntary labor, but weeks of crowds, compulsory KP duty, and forced cheer.
That means you have three choices: Suck it up, go on strike, or conjure a new approach.
Most people reading this will think, ugh, go on strike already, it's years overdue.
But marriage isn't a single-answer institution; it's a compilation of deals two people make, and each is unique. If telling Noel where to stuff this stocking isn't the deal you want to make, then you're right to seek alternatives.
One possibility: This year, let Noel know this is going to become a joint effort (or no effort at all, but leave that off, since that makes it an ultimatum): baking together, decorating together, shopping together.
You can go to some retail mecca as a couple, split up to do your elf thing (two lists), then meet at a set time for dinner at the nicest place there.
When you say, "OK, let's bake some cookies," and Noel resists, say, "If you want cookies this year, then this is how it's going to happen; I also really would like your company."
If Noel refuses to do any of these things, then the thing in question doesn't happen. No to team baking? Then don't bake. No to team wrapping? Then gifts get delivered unwrapped.
Should this firm position result in no Christmas anything, and if that results in pouting, then you're down to the other two choices: caving or going on strike.
A strike, to be fair, would also have its on-ramp paved nicely at this point. "For years, I've done this for you, when we both know Christmas is not my thing. I will gladly continue, but not as a solo act, not anymore." His sulk is not your command.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com.
