Q: I am secretly in love with my childhood best friend. We met when I first moved with my family to a new neighborhood. We became good friends, then besties, and so did our families.
I was a shy kid then, so I got bullied a lot, and he always defended me. I was unaware of my feelings for him until my car broke down, and he began picking me up and dropping me off at work. It was then that he told me he had a girlfriend. I started feeling emotions I haven't felt before.
I do not wish to ruin our longtime friendship with this. I have met his girlfriend, and she is a good girl. I have kept my emotions to myself, but because he knows me so well, I believe he suspects something is bothering me. I have been nitpicky, complaining, disagreeing and angry, which is not my personality. I know it's my emotions spiraling out of control.
It is only a matter of time before he gets so concerned about me that I will have to tell him what's wrong. So I have been avoiding him. Should I tell him how I really feel or not?
Steve: Unresolved conflict is worse than resolved conflict that doesn't go your way. Tell him you love him. He likely doesn't share those feelings, but once it's out, both of you will feel better. Then, together, you can decide what happens to the friendship.
Mia: Wrong, wrong, wrong, Steve. You never just drop the L-word like that. Think about it. What's his reaction going to be besides complete and utter shock? Instead, she should ease up on her bestie over dinner and wine, ask him if he's ever considered maybe the two of them going out romantically. If he's at all interested, he'll tell her.
Q: I hate going home every year and having my relatives ask me why I'm not married. I'm dreading it so much that I'm trying to come up with an excuse not to go and just stay holed in my apartment with my cats. Am I wrong?
Mia: Yeah, you are. If you hide out like that, they win and you lose, because your holidays will suck.
Put your big girl panties on and when your old aunt asks you why you're still single, tell her, "I'm single because I didn't want to end up divorced like you." If she's not divorced, substitute whatever seems appropriate. That will shut her up.
Steve: Whoa, happy holidays, Mia! I think she can turn the tables on those who ask that impertinent question without starting a family feud.
When Aunt Nosy inquires, you can answer, "Why do you ask?" And if she says, "I'm curious," you should ask, "Why?" Answer each question with one of your own. She will get the hint.
Or you can answer Philly style: "You writin' a book? Make it a mystery."
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.
