Dear Abby: Bisexual wife is of two minds about coming out

Posted: January 02, 2013

DEAR ABBY: After years of denial, I have come to realize that I am bisexual. I'm happily married to a straight man, and we have a great marriage.

Some people say I can't be bisexual if I've never been with a woman; I say they're wrong. Am I correct?

How do I deal with this in social situations? I'm afraid to put it on my social media profile for fear of a backlash from my family. I'd like my friends to know, but it doesn't feel proper to just come out and say, "I'm bi."

- Bi in the Deep South

DEAR B.I.T.D.S.: Bisexuality is having an attraction to people of both sexes, and yes, it is possible to be bisexual without having acted upon it.

However, being married means you are (happily) involved in a monogamous relationship. To announce that you are bisexual and/or put it on the Internet would be a mistake, in my opinion, because it might seem like you were advertising that you are "available."

If you choose to confide your diverse sexual orientation to your close friends, that is your business. But if you do, be sure to tell your husband first.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a jewelry store where the associates get generous discounts. I mentioned the amount of my discount at one family party, and ever since, my brother-in-law has continued to ask to use it for my sister.

Abby, letting others use my discount is strictly forbidden. My sister's birthday is in six weeks, and today I told him we can split the cost for the item she wants. I offered because I felt pressured. I have now decided that I can't go against my morals, plus the item is pretty expensive even with my discount. How do I tell him no?

- Feeling Used in Georgia

DEAR FEELING USED: Tell your brother-in-law that even with the discount, splitting the cost of the birthday gift is too much for you. Reiterate firmly that doing this is against company policy and could cost you your job. It's the truth.

While the conversation may not be pleasant, it's important to deliver the message.

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