Dear Abby: Hubby wants wife along for ride to take the reins and lead

Posted: January 31, 2013

DEAR ABBY: Do women ever initiate sex with men, or must they always be wooed, cajoled, begged or persuaded? I have a fairly good physical relationship with my wife, but it happens only when I make the overtures. I am left with the conclusion that either the physical act isn't that enjoyable or I am not very desirable.

If every encounter must start with me, and my wife can take it or leave it, is she just doing me a favor? Must sex always start with the guy, or can women demonstrate more overt interest?

- Undersexed in Ohio

DEAR UNDERSEXED: Many women - but not all - initiate sex with their partner. If your wife doesn't, it may be she isn't comfortable being the aggressor, her hormone levels have changed, sex may have become painful for her, or she never got much out of it in the first place.

Not knowing her, I can't explain why she never makes the first move. But this I am sure of - until you have a frank and honest discussion with her about it, nothing is going to change, and it may need to happen with the help of a marriage counselor.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I gave my brother-in-law a framed print that had belonged to my late husband. Some time afterward, out of curiosity, I researched it and found that it is worth far more than I realized - several thousand dollars.

I haven't mentioned this to my brother-in-law. I would never ask for the print back, but would it be OK to let him know the value and mention that if he ever decides not to keep it, I might like it returned? (I would sell it and put the money in my daughter's college fund.)

- Gave More Than I Thought

DEAR GAVE: Level with your brother-in-law about having researched the print and ask him to return it. When you do, tell him you need the money for your daughter's college fund. Offer to exchange it for an item with sentimental value. Honesty is the best policy, and he may agree.

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