Chick Wit: Happily engaged, forever

Posted: February 10, 2013

Valentine's Day is upon us, and if you're single, you know what that means.

Depression, shame, and chocolate cake.

I'm not saying you should feel that way. I'm just saying you might, if you're single, divorced, a widower, or a widow.

And if you do, I have a few words on the subject.

But before I begin, I have to admit that I've had more than a few Valentine's Days by myself, so much so that I've even written about it several times already.

Top that for pathetic.

You can't.

But what I wrote before, and what I still believe, is that love is all around you. And you can't control whether you get love, but you can control whether you give it, and your heart won't know the difference.

If your heart were that smart, it would be your brain.

So this Valentine's Day, love something.

I'm going to be loving daughter Francesca, Mother Mary, Brother Frank, besties Laura and Franca, and all my girlfriends, plus my furry and feathered family, including two puppies who right now are sharing my lap.

I'm not exactly proud to admit that I have a two-puppy lap.

But I took it one step further this year, and did something I never did before. I bought myself a present for Valentine's Day.

I know it's going to sound strange, but the present is a diamond ring.

Jewelers call it a right-hand ring, because the way the jewelry world sees it, the only way to get an engagement ring is if somebody else gives one to you.

And then you have to marry them.

I disagree, respectfully.

On both counts.

I've done all the marrying I'm going to do, and I've never regretted either divorce, not for a minute. I don't miss Thing One or Thing Two, but there is something I did miss.

The diamond.

And I've learned that if there's something you really want, the best course is to get it for yourself, instead of waiting for somebody else to give it to you.

So I bought myself an engagement ring.

You know why?

Because I'm still engaged.

Let me explain.

I think that the people I've mentioned above, the single, divorced, or widowed, sometimes feel left out of life in general, especially as we get older. I'm honest enough to admit that I've felt that way sometimes, and I definitely know girlfriends who do. It's easy to feel that way if you're not one of a couple, like you're a little bit of an odd duck, out of the mainstream.

Marginalized, or on the sidelines.

You find yourself going to movies with couples, or sitting with them at weddings, which can be awkward and uncomfortable. Or it just gets old, as you get old.

And in time, you stop bothering.

You quit going to things, you opt out. You stay home. You make excuses.

Bottom line, you stop being engaged.

Allow me to suggest that that's not a great idea.

Life is meant to be lived, not viewed from the sidelines, and if you're not part of a team, there's nothing wrong with an individual sport.

So come out and play.

I still go alone to lots of things I get invited to, and now I have my pretty sparkly ring to remind me to live my life, and on my own terms.

And make myself happy.

You may not be as literal as I am, and you may not need a ring to remind you to stay engaged.

Or you might be a little more careful with your money.

But I'm wearing the prettiest engagement ring I ever owned, and I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the person who gave it to me.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.

I do.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Look for Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella's latest collection of humor essays, "Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim." Also, look for Lisa's newest novel, "Don't Go," in stores April 9. You can write to Lisa at

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