I've tried therapy, we've tried giving each other space, and we've tried living our lives together until I arrive at an eventual conclusion. This is tearing us apart, as individuals and as a couple. What now?
Answer: Since you've tried everything else, the only remaining choice is to leave for good - to exit decisively enough for you both to start building new lives without each other.
For the sake of argument, though: You say, "we connect on an otherworldly level" - and then, "I know I will not grow and connect spiritually/religiously with my spouse." Which is it? "On an otherworldly level" and "spiritually" sound like the same connection to me. That would mean your sole disconnection is organized religion - and while that's clearly no small thing to you, it's also not fair to assume spiritual growth with him is a nonstarter.
Question: You are correct in equating "otherworldly" and "spiritual" connections. It boils down to two issues I can't get past: I feel like I am not getting the spiritual nourishment I need to deepen my faith and live a more fulfilling life, plus there's the prospect of being the only parent providing a religious example for future kids.
Answer: If he was raised in a church community and then encouraged to decide for himself, maybe he'd agree to the same for your kids.
Every marriage leaves some hunger unsatisfied. And we can decide whether it's realistic to seek this missing nourishment outside the marriage.
E-mail Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com. .
