DEAR ABBY: During the first year of our marriage, my husband cheated on me with women from his past as well as new encounters. When I confronted him, he promised to stop. He would then call and email these women, and tell them I was checking up on him and he'd contact them later.
This has gone on for years. He swears he's no longer cheating, and we have sought counseling - which I stopped because the counselor and I agreed that my husband didn't think he had a problem.
I have considered revenge cheating, but it goes against my morals. I think about divorcing him, but then I think - what if I am wrong? What if he really is being faithful? What should I do? I love him.
- Unsure in Texas
DEAR UNSURE: I agree that "revenge" cheating is not the solution to your problem. Hire a private detective and get to the bottom of this. If you're wrong, you need counseling to resolve your insecurities. However, if he's cheating, you will know you haven't been imagining things and can decide rationally if it's in your best interests to continue being married to a womanizer.
DEAR ABBY: My problem is that people, especially women, think I'm gay. I'm not. One woman recently lambasted me, saying her "gaydar" is never wrong, so I should just admit it to myself.
I don't think my speech inflections or mannerisms make people assume this. I don't know what to do. Help!
- Straight, Not Narrow, in Alabama DEAR STRAIGHT: I recommend you talk frankly with some of your female and male friends and ask what it is about you that has created this impression. Obviously there is something about the way you present yourself that's causing it, and the quickest way to find out what it is would be to ask direct questions of the people who know you best.
