My daughter is adopting the attitude of just wanting to get over him and move on; she would rather not get involved with his family.
Since about half the deposits are mine, I do want to get involved. My son is a lawyer and told us we have absolutely no legal recourse for this money and we should assume it is gone.
I understand what my kids are saying, but it is hard for me to let this money go out of no fault of my family. Any advice?
Answer: Yoga, punching a pillow, throwing darts at a photo of the ex, Zumba, a cocktail at 4:55 p.m. instead of 5, a mock funeral service where you bury thousands in Monopoly money - pick your method and use it to bid farewell to the cash.
Wanting people to behave as you want them to is a great way to waste a good chunk of your life. Better just to waste the money, and accept that your daughter is the luckiest person on earth right now; if this money is what it cost for her to reach this mountaintop, then arguably it was well spent. Or well set on fire.
Besides, you don't want to get on the "out of no fault of my family" road, since, for example, your daughter may well have been immersed in signs that her beloved was cheating on her, and so her wishful thinking, willful blindness, and/or foot-dragging are part of the reason you're now out these nonrefundable deposits. I actually don't believe in such finger-pointing unless it's part of a process of self-examination - but I'm putting it out there as a caution against such black-and-white, me-good-you-bad thinking.
Comment: Don't let your daughter think you care more about money than about her. I called off a wedding, too, and my parents lost some deposits and the entire cost of a wedding dress. They didn't say a single word about the money, and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I was humiliated and devastated and needed much more emotional support than I let on. I imagine your daughter is feeling something similar.
Answer: So well said, thanks.
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