Writer needs to know she isn't all bi herself

Posted: April 10, 2013

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to your answer to "Bi in the Deep South," the woman who is happily married to a man, but who now realizes she is bisexual and wants to come out.

My wife is an out bisexual woman. The notion that stating one's bisexuality is "advertising that one is available" is why my wife chose to come out - to combat this misconception. Bisexuals, are no more likely to act on this attraction than anyone else.

"Bi" should just be herself, and she should tell her husband first. But if her marriage is as strong and happy as she indicated, I'm pretty sure he already knows. I know I did.

- Jon in North Carolina

DEAR JON: Thank you for writing. The comments I received about that letter were passionate and informed:

DEAR ABBY: A support group that is either counselor- or peer-led, in-person or online, can be an important resource to help "Bi in the Deep South" recognize that others have also experienced what she is going through and she can learn from them.

- Licensed Counselor in Texas

DEAR ABBY: "Bi in the Deep South" has the right to be honest with herself and her family and not go through life hiding. You can be both "in a committed relationship" and "bisexual." They are not mutually exclusive.

- Bi in the Pacific Northwest

DEAR ABBY: There is real power in coming out, in voicing your authentic self. I speak from personal experience. I was silent for five years, and the day I started talking about the fact that I am bisexual, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off me.

- Robyn in Massachusetts


"Dear Abby" is written by Abigail Van Buren, a/k/a Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440 Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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