Should he tell the wife her husband had a fling?

Posted: April 10, 2013

D EAR ABBY: Three years ago, I found out that my wife of 14 years was sneaking around behind my back with her high-school sweetheart. I confronted both of them and it ended. I forgave her, but I still can't sleep at night because of something that's bothering me. His wife has no idea about the affair, and I feel guilty that I haven't told her about everything that happened.

Some of my friends say I should call her and tell her, but now it seems like it happened too long ago to bring it to her attention. Also, in an attempt to get her husband to come clean - which he did - I promised him I wouldn't tell his wife.

My wife and I have patched things up and we're having the best years of our life together. So the question is, should I break my word and possibly upset my new relationship with my wife so I can not feel this guilt?

- Can't Sleep in Illinois

DEAR CAN'T SLEEP: Surely there's a better cure for your insomnia than causing needless pain to the wife. The affair ended years ago, and she is blameless in all this. Because you are still having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about it. Some sessions with a psychologist or a licensed family therapist may help you to assuage your guilt and find closure.

DEAR ABBY: I have had the same barber for several years and he is a good friend. While he was on vacation, I used another barber in the shop for a cut. I really like how he cut my hair. How can I change barbers without causing hurt feelings?

- Lookin' Good in the Midwest

DEAR LOOKIN' GOOD: Barbers are human like everyone else. If you announce that you want to make a change, there probably will be hurt feelings. The question you must ask yourself is, is your relationship with your barber/friend such a close one that you're willing to tolerate continuing to patronize him even though you think someone else can do a better job? (Now that's friendship!)

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