Should she tell 'fling' he's her babydaddy?

Posted: May 07, 2013

D EAR ABBY: I got pregnant by a man I'll call "Ryan," who was just a fling. When I told him, he told me to have an abortion. He even had a friend of his call, offer to pay for it and drive me.

Instead, I decided to "abort" Ryan from my life. I never told him when our baby was born. Part of me feels bad because I think every child should know his/her father and family members. Another man has been willing to step up and be a daddy for my child.

Should I even bother to let Ryan know?

- Living My Life in Indiana

DEAR LIVING YOUR LIFE: This is really a question you should ask a lawyer. Whether or not someone has stepped up to be your baby's daddy, Ryan has a financial obligation to that child.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Carlene," is a neonatal ICU nurse who is required to work a certain number of holidays. For the past 12 years, her family has feigned attempting to accommodate her schedule and then planned holiday events at the same exact time and place as the year before. They have ignored repeated explanations and don't seem to care if we come or not.

Abby, my wife feels like she is unimportant to everyone. She plans to stop attending all family events and celebrate only with me and our daughter. Should I support her decision?

- Let Down in Texas

DEAR LET DOWN: Your wife should make no decisions about future celebrations while she's angry. If she follows through on her impulse to boycott all family events, she will be cutting her nose off to spite her face.

On those occasions when it's not possible to attend extended family gatherings, celebrating with immediate family seems like a sensible solution. Or consider hosting the celebration yourselves so you can set the party time.

As a nurse caring for the most fragile of infants, she's doing important work that should be respected. Remind her of that fact any time she feels "unimportant."

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