Spring is in the air; so are maybe-affairs

Posted: May 10, 2013

D EAR ABBY: I have a friend who I believe is having an affair. I have no concrete evidence, only a slew of circumstantial evidence such as odd work hours, blocks of mystery time set aside at night in his cellphone's day planner, and evading questions about texts from females.

I have no idea how to approach him, or if I even should. What makes me uneasy is that it's all based on my hunch. I'm usually pretty good with my hunches, though.

Any words of wisdom would be welcome.

- Nick in New England

DEAR NICK: What are you doing going through your friend's cellphone day planner and reading his texts? He doesn't have to account to you for his time. For all you know the man may be in a 12-step program or a therapy group. If he wanted you to know what he's doing, he would tell you. Right now the "friendliest" thing you can do is mind your own business.

DEAR ABBY: After my best friend of more than 20 years, I'll call him Tim, told me that his wife had cheated on him, I confessed that I am in love with him. His response floored me. Tim announced that he has been in love with me all this time and can imagine growing old with only me.

A friend told me that I'm committing adultery with Tim because he is now in the process of leaving his cheating wife for me. Am I? We haven't been intimate, nor do we plan to sleep with each other until the divorce is final.

I have loved Tim far longer than she has been in the picture, and I feel this is a chance for happiness that fate has offered us. Are we wrong to pursue a relationship?

- Conflicted in California

DEAR CONFLICTED: If Tim has been in love with you all these years, he couldn't have had much of a marriage. His wife's infidelity was his "get out of jail" ticket and he took it. I don't know what your "friend" uses for a definition of adultery, but according to Webster's dictionary, you're not committing it.

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