Golfers can't even cheat properly. It takes some rules nerd sitting at home watching television to point out an illegal drop, which occurs when the placement of the ball, as measured by a nuclear-powered plumb line, exceeds the circumference of the nearest sprinkler head divided by pi.
Give the average fan a little more than that and there would be more fans. That's why the sniping between Woods and Garcia would make for a record-breaking audience if they formed the final Sunday twosome one of these weeks. A few weeks from now at Merion, for instance.
The most recent spat between Woods and Garcia began at the TPC earlier this month when Garcia blew a shot and blamed Woods for taking a club from his bag at the same moment, an action that set off a round of cheers from the roving family of sheep that cheers everything he does. The Youdamans.
Woods later said Garcia was a whiner, and Garcia said that might be true but it was the first true thing Woods has said in 15 years. And then Garcia said he'd have Woods over for dinner at the U.S. Open to make up and would serve fried chicken for the occasion. He did. He said that.
Now, this is all pretty silly, but it's as good as it gets from the stately game of golf. At least it makes for the possibility of an interesting confrontation. A few more of these would be fine, and it would be easier to stay awake on the couch on those nice Sunday afternoons.
That Michael Vick may very well begin the season as the Eagles' starting quarterback, but he probably won't finish it the same way.
There is a lot of confusion locally about how to accept the fact that new head coach Chip Kelly is seriously giving Vick a chance to win the job. People like Kelly. They like that he is different. They like that he is funny. They like that he is an innovator. But when they look at Vick, they see Andy Reid.
Sweeping Reid out of town was supposed to be a clean sweep, particularly regarding Vick. The people who have never liked Vick didn't want him here in the first place, and the people who liked him well enough when he was lighting it up in 2010 are now ready for him to be released on his own recognizance.
Maybe Kelly has to learn for himself, or maybe he can't imagine either Nick Foles or Matt Barkley running an option offense, but he just might make Vick the starter when the season begins in September. If this troubles you, Vick's history would indicate it won't trouble you long.
During 2011 and 2012, Vick suffered an injured hand, a bruised rib, a broken rib, and two concussions. The second of those concussions occurred in the ninth game of the season last year and it took him five weeks to pass the NFL's post-concussion testing procedures.
Vick isn't really a turnover waiting to happen - although his record is not great there, either - but he is an injury waiting to happen, and every year the wait seems shorter. He can't finish what he starts any longer, but Kelly has to learn that for himself, too.
That the rest of baseball is more interested in the Boston Red Sox than the team or its fans are interested in the rest of baseball.
The Phillies, who still hadn't sold out their two games against Boston this week when the holiday weekend began, are as guilty of being Sox-centric as anyone else. Their sales pitch touted the "return of the rivalry," as if there is really a rivalry with the Red Sox.
For there to be a rivalry, it has to be a two-way rivalry. Aside from the New York Yankees, the Red Sox don't really have that with any other team. Major League Baseball may have tried to create some rivalries with its inane interleague scheduling, but those are artificial and forced.
The Red Sox are a legendary franchise that plays in a legendary park and, aside from only the Yankees and maybe the Dodgers, are deeper in the lore of the game than any other. Other teams and their fans would like some of that glow to rub off. So, they put the Red Sox on a pedestal and pretend every game is a bloodthirsty rivalry. It's marketing perhaps, but it's also embarrassing.
Contact columnist Bob Ford at firstname.lastname@example.org, find column archive at www.philly.com/bobford, and follow @bobfordsports on Twitter.