After all, how often do you get to say, "This is what I want, and I want it right now."
Or if you get to say it, how often does anybody do it?
So I've become On Demanding.
I finally found somebody to do exactly what I want, the very moment that I want it, and his name is Sony.
I wish I could marry him and make him Mr. Scottoline.
You know what we would name our son?
Tony Sony Scottoline.
But to stay on point, I started scrolling around the On Demand menu for TV series and figured I'd give Dexter a shot, since I'd never seen it. I watched the first episode and liked it, so I figured I'd watch the second, and before you can say "blood spatter," I had watched seven years of Dexter.
That would be 12 episodes a year, and the show has run for seven seasons, so I watched 7 x 12 episodes, and each episode is about an hour.
I'll leave the math to you. Because I did the calculation and I already know the answer:
It's way too much television.
Not only that, but I watched all seven years in a matter of days, which means almost continuously. I had it on in my office while I worked, and I watched it during lunch and dinner. It kept me up past my bedtime, and I even got up early one morning before breakfast, to squeeze in another ep.
Yes, I say ep.
That's how I talk now.
Because I'm too busy watching television to take the time to say episode.
I had read about people who binge-watch television and thought, I'll never do that, but who was I kidding?
I binge-read, I binge-work, and I binge-eat. In fact, I might be a binge-binger.
And once I started watching Dexter, I knew that I was going to finish all of it, but not in a good way, like when you start college and know you're going to graduate. It was more in a chocolate-cake way, in that I know if there is chocolate cake in the house, I'm going to eat it all gone.
So I ate Dexter all gone.
Or put differently, I got a Ph.D. in Dexter.
There's another thing I'm doing that I never thought I'd do, and I'm thinking it might be related, but you be the judge.
Just don't judge too harshly.
We all know that I sleep with three dogs, namely, Ruby, Peach, and Tony. And I have the two puppies, Kit and Boone, who are about seven months old and sleep in my bedroom, but they sleep together in their cage.
Let me hasten to point out that the puppies love their cage. At bedtime, they run into it happily, cuddle up together, and fall asleep.
But one night, I looked over at the puppies in their cage, and they looked back at me, in my nice comfy bed, with the other three dogs.
So you know where this is going.
I never thought I would sleep with five dogs.
But now we sleep together, all five of us in the nice comfy bed.
And tonight, we're starting Game of Thrones.
Look for Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella's columns in their newest collection, "Meet Me at Emotional Baggage Claim." Also, look for Lisa's new novel, "Don't Go," in stores now. Write to Lisa at firstname.lastname@example.org.