Ill at ease with guy's disease

Posted: June 28, 2013

Q: I BUMPED into another guy at a party who I happen to know is a notorious womanizer and a disease carrier. Should I warn women that I see him with that he has herpes?

He infected a friend of mine and every time I see him up in another female's face, I wonder if she's his next victim.

Mia: I want to say "kick his a--" the next time you see him out, but that might get you arrested. So, I called the much cooler-headed Gary Bell, executive director of Blacks Educating Blacks About Sexual Health Issues, for his advice on what to do. Here's his advice: "He's making assumptions, first of all. He's assuming that he's behaving irresponsibly because he has in the past. The responsible thing is to approach him and say, 'Hey look, man, I would like to talk to you about something' and share his concerns. . . . Other than beat the guy up, he should have a man-to-man with him."

Steve: Can't beat that advice. Talk to the man directly.

Q: At what point is it OK for a woman to ask a guy if he's seeing other women? I don't want to seem clingy, but at the same time I'm starting to catch feelings for him. I don't want to wait around if he's still dating his ex.

Steve: Definitely before you sleep with him, but after you get the sense he's truly interested in you.

Mia: The right time is whenever you say it is. Tread lightly though. You don't want to be all heavy about it, so that he feels like he's getting locked in. Just keep it light. For instance, the next time he pays you a compliment, smile and say, "You probably tell your ex that, too." If you're lucky, he'll say, "Her? I stopped seeing her the day I met you." Then you take it from there. Just remember to be flirty and fun.


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

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