Their marriage is going up in smoke

Posted: July 01, 2013

D EAR ABBY: When we married, we both drank and smoked. My husband quit smoking five years ago, and I have continued to smoke off and on. If he catches me with a cigarette it becomes an argument, and it's either I quit or we're done!

I love my husband, but I don't see the big deal if I smoke a cigarette. He sometimes makes me feel like a teenager hiding it from my parents! Any advice?

- Closet Smoker in Wisconsin

DEAR SMOKER: Surely you know that smoking isn't good for you, and it upsets your husband because he loves you.

This is less about a contest of wills than the fact that you are addicted to nicotine and can't stop using.

You're an adult, not a naughty teenager, so stop acting like one. The cigarette is not your friend; your husband is. When you're finally ready to see it that way and overcome the habit, your physician can help you.

DEAR ABBY: My mom has no respect for my privacy. When something happens in my life, she shares it with all my relatives despite my repeatedly having asked her not to. She has a website where she rehashes nearly every moment of my life spent with my family and posts all of my pictures.

When I mention to her that I would like my privacy respected, she gets upset and calls me ridiculous. I don't feel she has a right to disseminate information about me if I ask her not to. How can I get her to stop?

- Wants My Privacy

DEAR WANTS YOUR PRIVACY: If you're a teenager, please realize that your mom may do this because she's proud of you. However, if you are an adult and no longer live under her roof, a way to get her to pull back, if not stop completely, would be to share less information with her.

DEAR ABBY: Since I was a teenager I have always had an appreciation of and love for anything vintage. When my mother wasn't able to sell her white milk-glass items in a rummage sale, I asked if I could please have them to display in an antique china cabinet.

My brother, who has never had any interest in vintage items and has a home that looks like a hoarder lives there, wants one of the pieces because of an old picture of him near the piece. I guess he must be feeling nostalgic. Mother feels I should give it to him since he wants it. What should I do?

- Appreciates Anything Vintage

DEAR A.A.V.: Listen to your mother. The milk glass was hers to begin with. It won't hurt you to let that one piece go, and the reason your brother would like to have it seems valid. Surely family harmony is as important to you as your glass collection.

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