Is she waiting for lover's wife to die?

Posted: August 22, 2013

D EAR ABBY: I am a twice-divorced woman who has never been good at choosing the men in my life. Two years ago, I met a man who is 12 years my senior. He is sweet, thoughtful and caring, and would do just about anything for me. What started as companionship has turned into a full-blown love affair. The problem is that he is married.

His wife has a chronic disease and other medical problems. The way he cares for her is what attracted me to him in the first place. He spends what time he can with me, but mostly he is there for his wife.

I am OK with the situation, as I don't want him to leave her for me. I have tried breaking it off with him, but he gets me to take him back, saying he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life. He is very strong-willed.

Abby, I feel like I'm in the background waiting for her to die so I can take her place as his wife, and I hate this feeling. What should I do?

- Guilty in Kentucky

DEAR GUILTY: Your feelings are well-founded. You are waiting in the background for this man's wife to die. But what if she doesn't?

Please don't think I am unsympathetic, but it's time to ask yourself why you chose to get involved with someone who isn't available except for a few stolen moments. If marriage is what you really want, your priority should be to find a man who doesn't have the kind of previous commitment this one does.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to dispose of leftover milk in your cereal bowl? To dump it out is wasteful, to spoon it up like soup seems a bit much, and to drink it right from the bowl seems rather catlike. Does the answer differ if you are in your own kitchen vs. a restaurant or other residence?

- Got Milk in San Francisco

DEAR GOT MILK: If you're in a restaurant, you should not lap liquid from the bowl. If you're at home - anything goes. And if you have so much milk left in your bowl after the cereal has been consumed, you are pouring too much in and need to adjust the amount.

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