Harper dances with stars, Douglases dance apart

Posted: August 30, 2013

THERE'S an old Henny Youngman joke: "A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

Valerie Harper, suffering from a rare form of terminal brain cancer ( leptomeningeal carcinomatosis), was given only three months to live back in March and, now, nearly six months later, she's not only still going strong, she's signed on to "Dancing With the Stars."

(So have "Showgirls" star Elizabeth Berkley - so you know who's getting a "10" in the pole dance - Leah Remini, Snooki, Amber Riley and Christina Milian.)

TMZ says Valerie and Tristan MacManus have already started rehearsing, and so far so good. She's healthy enough for the rigorous practices, and she's old enough to remember when couples danced together with steps instead of butt-thrusting.

Pop. Six. Squish. Uh-Uh. Cicero. Douglas.

A spokeswoman for Catherine Zeta-Jones says the "Chicago" Oscar-winner and her husband, Michael Douglas, "are taking some time apart to evaluate and work on their marriage."

Publicist Cece Yorke said in an email to the Associated Press yesterday that there would be no further comment.

Aw, come on.

Zeta-Jones, 43, and Douglas, 68, were married in 2000. They have two children. He battled throat cancer in 2010 and made headlines this summer when he spoke out about one potential cause, oral sex.

* In other marriage-on-the-rocks news, the perennially on-the-rocks Kardashians are all over In Touch magazine this week.

Kris and Bruce. Khloe and Lamar. Take your pick.

In Touch says that after years of discord, Kris and Bruce have "been separated for months," a family friend said - and Kris hasn't been wearing her giant ring.

These alleged friends say Bruce has had enough of Kris' hunger for the spotlight.

"They don't do anything together unless it's filmed," said the, ahem, friend. "They haven't slept together in years and pretty much just have a business relationship at this point."

* You know who else hasn't slept together? "Real Housewives of Miami" star Joanna Krupa and her husband.

The 34-year-old Polish-born model and host of "Poland's Next Top Model," told Life & Style that husband Romain Zago no longer has the urge.

"He can go forever without it," Krupa said referring to it. "Then when we have a conversation, it turns into an argument. He doesn't feel anything is wrong - and I just want to be thrown down."

Tattle is confident that broadcasting this in a magazine is bound to make it happen.

"Of course his lack of interest in sex had me question if he was cheating," Joanna told Life & Style. When she found flirty emails while snooping on Romain's computer, she got them into sex therapy.

"Since I met him, something was off," she said, causing Tattle to wonder why (except for his nightclub fortune) she decided to marry him.

But after three months in treatment, Joanna now feels that Romain's lack of interest "has to come from his childhood."

According to TV commercials, it could also be "Low-T."

Joanna said the couple has now gotten into the habit of scheduling sex. Isn't that Romain-tic?

"Sometimes it's once a week, sometimes every other week, sometimes every three weeks," she said.

So, for all you under-sexed spouses out there, take heart. Joanna Krupa isn't getting any, either.

TATTBITS

Forbes says Madonna was the world's top-earning celebrity over the past year, raking in $125 million. It was her best year since 1999, so good for her. We know she's had to cut back.

Director Steven Spielberg finished second with $100 million, just ahead of 50 Shades of Grey author EL James, Simon Cowell and Howard Stern at $95 million.

We really need to pen some housewife porn.

Prolific writer James Patterson was next at $91 million, followed by prolific talker Glenn Beck at $90 million. Leaving Fox turned out OK for him.

Closing out the top 10 were "Transformers" director Michael Bay ($82 million) and uber-producer Jerry Bruckheimer and Lady Gaga, tied at $80 million.

So the top 10 celebrities last year earned a total of more than $925 million - probably more than all of the teachers in the Philadelphia public-school system.

* The Nederlander Organization yesterday agreed to manage and produce "The Legend of Emperor Qin," a live show in a specially built $65 million theater in central China that will celebrate the world famous Terracotta Warriors, a high-profile step for America's live-theater giant into the world's most promising consumer market.

It all came together when half the warriors agreed to be Sharks and the other half Jets.

And it replaces "The Book of Maomon."

* Any Cali policeman who needs to write his quota of tickets should just hang out by Justin Bieber's house.

TMZ.com says the Biebs and his Ferrari were pulled over in Calabasas yesterday after he sped through a stop sign at 4:30 a.m.

Bieber was cooperative - he's getting to be a pro at this - but police informed him that, of course, he didn't have a valid California driver's license.

Tami Erin, who played the pig-tailed Pippi Longstocking in the 1988 movie, told "TMZ Live" that a bitter ex-boyfriend is trying to sell a hardcore sex tape and that she will do whatever it takes to make sure that it's never seen.

"I think he's the biggest piece of s--- on the planet for doing this to me," she said.

Men without a Longstocking are often very insecure.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.


Phone: 215-854-5678

On Twitter: @DNTattle

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