YFC: Usually the Third Commandment. But I didn't use your name. I used your, um, title.
GOD: I'm not your editor, sonny. Are you trying to outlawyer the Almighty?
YFC: I withdraw that.
GOD: OK - and, and . . . I'm waiting for an apology here.
YFC: Hmmm. Give this a listen: "For I the Lord thy God am a jealous God."
GOD: Oh, snap! Good one, sonny.
YFC: Glad you approve. I wouldn't want to be struck by lightning.
GOD: Less chance of that than you being struck by an original thought.
YFC: Hey! My target is the low-information reader.
GOD: The low self-esteem reader?
YFC: Can't top you on comebacks. What's new this year?
GOD: When you are eternal, and more everlasting than a Duracell battery, you don't measure time as mortals do, but I won't make angels dance on the head of a pin (although they are incredibly cute when they do). To answer your question, I'm on Twitter.
YFC: Like the pope? Did you get tired of sending messages using burning bushes, prophets, floods and miracles?
GOD: I dig the 140-character format. Think of the Ten Commandments. Every one can be a tweet.
YFC: What's your handle - @AlwaysRight? @NeverWrong? @Smartypants? @Infallible?
GOD: Not saying.
GOD: I don't have as many followers as Justin Bieber. It's embarrassing.
YFC: (What an egotist!)
GOD: What didst thou say?
YFC: Did I say that out loud?
GOD: I can read your thoughts, schlemiel.
YFC: Don't be a bully.
GOD: Glad you mentioned that.
YFC: You want to talk about bullying being wrong?
GOD: No, I want to talk about twerking.
YFC: You know about twerking?
GOD: Twerking, lambada, Electric Slide, the 81, the chicken, Charleston, I know 'em all.
YFC: Amazing. So you know of Miley Cyrus?
GOD: That's a bold and brazen article. She's not Hannah Montana anymore, she's Lindsay Lohan. She'll have a sandwich named for her at the Betty Ford Clinic soon.
YFC: That's pretty judgmental.
GOD: Duh! That's my job.
YFC: Pope Francis asks, "Who am I to judge?" He says atheists can get to heaven and economic supply-siders are misguided. What's that all about?
GOD: He's a riot. I don't know where he gets half that stuff.
YFC: What? Are you a supply-sider?
GOD: Who fed the multitudes with five loaves and two fish?
YFC: Chef Walter Staib at the City Tavern?
GOD: Sonny, you are getting on my last nerve.
YFC: Then we'd better wrap this up. Have any final words for Philadelphia?
GOD: The Eagles have scored 142 points in their last four games. HNY.
YFC: What's HNY?
GOD: Happy New Year in tweet. Sonny, you have a lot to learn.
On Twitter: @StuBykofsky