Don't let your eggs dictate your relationship

Posted: February 07, 2014

Q: I READ your column regularly but I've never seen a problem like mine addressed. Maybe it's because I have the opposite problem of a lot of women in my situation.

I'm a successful black professional female with no kids. I don't have any problem getting asked out, but I'm in my 40s and if I'm going to have a baby, it's now or never. Each of the guys I'm talking to would make a really great dad. But they also each have pluses and minuses.

One has school-age kids, and I can't deal with his baby-mama drama. Another has a really demanding job that doesn't leave a lot of time for me. So I've been holding them both at arm's length.

One of the men, though, is starting to cool off because I refuse to go to his house or let him come to mine. (I don't sleep around.) Another guy has laid his cards on the table and told me I'm The One, and that he's ready to get serious. He's really nice, but now I'm feeling pressured and confused.

Meanwhile, my eggs aren't getting any younger. Help!

Mia: My advice is date, date, date. Spend as much time as you can with each of these men until you figure out who's the best fit for you.

Once you make a decision, you may have to look into alternate ways of having a baby, such as using surrogate eggs, or maybe even adopting. But what's more important? Having a baby or finding the love of your life?

Steve: Letting your eggs dictate your relationship is even worse that letting your heart or brain dictate it. Settle on one man and take the time you need to decide if it's right.

Q: My nephew wants me to find somebody close to home, instead of going out with a person that lives a long distance away.

What should I do? Please tell me.

Steve: This is a simple mathematical calculation. Find someone who lives close by to compare with your distant girlfriend. After a few dates, award points to each woman in categories you think important. Then subtract one point for every 20 miles in distance to her residence. Most points wins.

Mia: You could tell your nephew to mind his business. But if you think he's on to something and you want to find a woman closer to home, you can start at your local church or synagogue. And there's always Internet dating. Put a profile on an online dating site and you never know who you'll meet. Good luck!


Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. Contact them at S&M@phillynews.com or S&M c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.

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