Referring to CBS chairman Leslie Moonves as "the man who owns this network," Letterman said, "I phoned him just before the program, and I said 'Leslie, it's been great, you've been great, and the network has been great, but I'm retiring.' "
He also thanked "all of the people who have worked here, all of the people in the theater, all the people on the staff, everybody at home, thank you very much."
"What this means now," he cracked, "is that Paul and I can be married."
Letterman turns 67 next week. In the wings as a possible successor: Craig Ferguson, host of "The Late Late Show," which follows Letterman.
Chris Brown was taken from his L.A. jail cell by U.S. marshals yesterday and will be moved to Washington, D.C., for a hearing on a misdemeanor assault charge.
Sounds like an episode of "The Blacklist."
Brown, 24, was jailed last month after violating his probation and court-ordered treatment related to his 2009 assault of then-girlfriend Rihanna. He will be taken to Washington and stand trial on April 17, U.S. Marshals Service spokeswoman Lynzey Donahue said.
Brown's lawyer Mark Geragos had asked the court to have Brown released ahead of the trial into his custody so that they could prepare for the trial and travel together to Washington.
Destiny's poor child
Half-sister, can you spare a dime?
In Touch magazine reports that Beyoncé's 4-year-old half brother Nixon and his mother, Alexsandra Wright, the ex-girlfriend of Beyonce's father, Mathew Knowles, may soon be living in an L.A.-area homeless shelter.
Alexsandra told In Touch that since Mathew's child-support payments were reduced from $12,000 to $2,400 per month, the mother-son duo are struggling financially because Mathew won't have to make another payment for almost two years.
"Nixon deserves to know his family, and I hope one day he will meet his sister Beyoncé," Alexsandra said.
"I can't imagine how Beyoncé feels knowing she has a homeless brother," Alexsandra said. "I know if I were in the same position, I would reach out. Maybe she is too busy."
* U.S. officials yesterday invited British chef Nigella Lawson to reapply for a visa to enter the country (and perhaps make risotto) after the TV celebrity known as the "Domestic Goddess," was barred from boarding a flight last weekend.
According to London's Daily Mail, Nigella was prevented from flying to the United States because she had confessed to taking drugs during a recent court battle with her former assistants.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. If drug use now prohibits you from entering the country, that should put an end to the immigration problem.
* Prosecutors say a man charged with trespassing at Selena Gomez's home has been sentenced to 45 days in jail and ordered to stay away from her.
No, it was not Justin Bieber.
Los Angeles D.A. spokesman Ricardo Santiago said Che Cruz admitted trespassing at an initial court appearance Wednesday and was immediately sentenced.
Cruz was arrested Sunday in Selena's guesthouse.
Santiago says Cruz was sentenced to three years of probation and ordered to stay away from Gomez and her Calabasas home.
Authorities say Gomez arrived home Sunday night and called security after hearing noises on the property.
* TheWrap.com reports that "Eureka" alum Wil Wheaton will host a new Syfy series, tentatively titled "The Wil Wheaton Project," which will premiere May 27 at 10 p.m.
The show, which Wheaton characterized as "sort of like 'Talk Soup' for geeks," will be "a weekly roundup of the things I love on television and on the Internet, with commentary and jokes, and the occasional visit from interesting people who make those things happen," he said.
The series will have "a heavy focus on those hilariously bad paranormal reality shows," Wheaton added.
* Prosecutors have charged rapper 2 Chainz (a/k/a Tauheed Epps) with felony drug possession after his arrest last year at Los Angeles International Airport.
Mr. Chainz was arrested in June after airport officials reported finding ingredients for the cough syrup-based concoction known as "sizzurp" in his checked baggage.
He is scheduled to be arraigned Tuesday on a felony charge of codeine possession under his new name, 2 Chainz 2 Shacklez.
- Daily News wire services
contributed to this report.
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